10 Things Women Should Have Done or Experienced by 40

Deon Cecile
Jul 23, 2019
8 min read

Updated: Aug 16, 2021

Are you suddenly realizing you are 40, or worse yet, over 40 and there are some things in this life you haven't yet experienced and wished you already had? You listen to your friends' chatter and secretly wish you had tried those things already. Or, you listen and think to yourself, Oh My God, I'm glad I haven't tried any of that!

I learn from all my experiences: good, bad, or indifferent. I know what I will do repeatedly, what I won't EVER think of doing again, and, well, those that I can only dream about from here on. Because, there are things, that no matter how much you'd like to do them again, you know it ain't right, healthy, safe, or body-forgiving. So leave it alone (say that in s-l-o-w m-o-t-i-o-n). And then there are others that are just a part of life, whether we want them to exist yes or no.

Let's reminisce, embrace and explore our 40's (and over), as it's not an age to be afraid of. It's an age for us to do a whole lot more, with a whole-lot-a confidence and spunk. Cause wi dun know what wi want and what wi don't want (please click google translate for this). Well for most things. Sometimes we still get confused. Well I know I do.

In the last 2 weeks, I've given you an idea of what I think women over 40 should not have (the purge) and what women over 40 should have (the transition). This week I'll talk about a few things I think every woman 40 and over should have at least experienced or done already. You know, like the touchy, feely kinda things; the things make you go hmmm in some cases and well, the things that make you wonder about yourself.

Below are my top 10, in no particular order. Feel free to try the ones you haven't done yet and share some of your experiences with me so I can go try some new stuff; we can create a new bucket list of things to go experience and talk about them. Who's with me?

Anyhoos, here goes my list of 10...

1. An 'Oh Lord Save Me' Kiss

One of those toe-curling, sweat-producing, heart-racing, baggy (panty) dropping kisses that lets you believe you died and went to heaven on a yacht with all of the bells and whistles and trimmings of all sorts️. One that reminds you that passion is an actual feeling and not a figment of your imagination. Hmmm. YASSS. One of those.

Oh dear me, I think this should have been my last point because I've now forgotten all the other things. Yikes!

Ok. I'm back and since I am on this trajectory, let me add these other two right here.

2. A lover/partner who knows the when, what, where, and how with a dash of surprise

No further explanation is needed.

3. A lover/partner that knows how to bring out your WILD side.

Enough said. Well. Please be reminded that your bones ain't that easy to set at this age so don't go breaking anything. Just a thought.

4. An Act of Great Stupidity

Remember when motor vehicles use to have that lighter thingamajig, some may still have it, not so sure. Well, one day I decided I needed to see if it really works and so I proceeded to take it out and stick my finger on it, geezaaz, (and to think I had a witness too; hope to God he doesn't remember. Folks, let me tell you, if that wasn't a stupid act I don't know what was, and trust me when I say, just writing about it makes me re-live the experience. Geezam pees.

5. An Impactful Emotional Loss

A loss so great that it breaks you in order to remind you that you are human, that you need to slow down and spend more time with your family and friends. A loss that reminds you that you need to enjoy the here and now because you never know what tomorrow brings. I've had 3 in recent years; my husband and my father, 15 years apart, same month, 3 days date difference, and one of my besties, who everybody kept saying we were look-a-likes. This is one of the reasons why I said, in last week's article, that having real friends is extremely important to me.

In the end, we'll only regret the chances we didn't take. Like...

6. Skinny Dipping

Unless you have the body of your former teenage years or a current one without the frills and extras, I think you may want to leave this one alone if you haven't experienced it yet. But that's just me, maybe you're the more adventurous, don't give a rats-ass, kinda person. In which case, go right ahead and enjoy your darn self.

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7. Conquer a Fear

Some amount of fear is healthy I believe but it must not be so debilitating that you can't function. Wellllllll, I conquered one of mine years ago.

So, I'm deathly afraid of 'forty-legs' otherwise known as Scolopendras (a type of Centipede). I was introduced to these little "critters" when I lived in Westmoreland, Jamaica. The thing I initially saw was no bigger than my fingernail and I was like, so what damage can that little thing do? Until I met The MAMA! Holy Mother of God, I couldn't believe my eyes. The only thought I had at the time was, if ants bite mi and mi swell up so, what's gonna happen if this bites me. Fear then became synonymous with forty-legs.

Then, one day, I had to 'Man-up' or 'Woman-up' in my case, face the music, as they say, dance with the devil (not my idea of fun or survival). I was in my kitchen cooking and outta di corner of mi eye mi sight something moving. There was BIG MAMA and what looked like her twin, yup she was that big. Look, I'm not discriminating here, it could be BIG PAPA, who cares, it did BIG!

You know the saying about flight or fight when faced with fear, well I wasn't gonna run. Because I wasn't going to move out of my house, which would have been the next option. Remember I said I was in the kitchen? Well, folks, I grabbed my chopper and I got to chopping, and when I was done I grabbed a new tin of Raid insect spray and mi dun it pon it (finished it). And then, I called my late husband crying like a bitch. He frantically asked what was wrong. I told him the above story and di man buss out a laugh. Like, what the heck! Seriously dude. Yup, he did laugh. He said, "so babes if you chopped it up and finished an entire tin of insect spray on it, don't you think it's dead by now, why are you crying?" Like really, did he just say that in the middle of my turmoil? Yes, he did. Sigh. But a true still. Why in God's heaven was I crying? So I stopped crying and told him he needed to come home to clean it up because I wasn't touching it. Don't even bother to ask what his next response was. Just know say mi did vex. But it stayed there till he got home and suffice it to say no dinner was prepared. Yuh mad (are you crazy)! Who was gonna use that knife again or go anywhere near touching that thing to clean up. Hell. Fricking. No!

Have I gotten over my fear? Yes-ish. And to think I've now moved to another city that is full of them. Geezaz H Christ! Mi wicked to miself sah. Nowadays if I see one she/he had better be faster than me. Now you know which "critter" in my garden, I was talking about in last week's article.

After the above, I think we can all agree on the next one.

8. A laugh so volatile you pee yourself

Laughter is medicine in its purest form. But a burst of laughter that makes you pee yourself is the cure beyond the medicine.

Just remember now that your bladder may not be what it use to be, so you may wanna watch out for more peeing incidences when you laugh. La da dee. La da daaa.

9. Unconditional Love of a Child

I have no children of my own. But my interaction with children has been endless. Words cannot express the unconditional love a child gives to you. The hugs, the kisses, the laughter, all of it, even the headaches and pain. When you're down, trust me, all you need is a child's hug.

I can recall vividly, the morning after my husband's death, I was sitting on the floor in my living room, trying to come to grips with what had happened the evening before when a friend of ours came by with one of her twins. I can't even remember how old she was then but I'm sure she wasn't even one. She came bursting through the doors, straight into my lap and she gave me the biggest hug and kiss anyone could ever receive. She stayed there until it was time to leave. I will never forget that. That's a soother like no other.

10. An Impulsive Act

Have you done something impulsive just for the heck of it? Yup, I have. Maybe too many to recount.

On my 30th birthday. I got up from my desk at work, drove to a salon, pierced my belly button, drove back to work, sat down to have lunch, and then thought to myself, "what did you just do!" Then I called my girlfriends and said, "hey guys guess what I just did?" Sounding like a teenager on steroids. Suffice it to say one went out and did hers and topped it off with a tattoo (you know, like ice cream with the cherry on top kinda thing), the other one went and got a tattoo. For me, the jury is still out on the tattoo. I can't imagine anyone juking me with a needle, repeatedly. Maybe for my 50th...lol! Update, I got my first tattoo for my 45th birthday (March 2021), tell you about that in another post.

That's it folks, my top 10 things to have experienced before 40. What's your top 10? Let's share and create a new bucket list. We are never too old to experience new things.

CHECK THIS OUT

In last week's article, I spoke about the things we ought to have by age 40 and my 15th item was to have realistic goals. In reading, I found this list by Dresden Shumaker on Babble, "40 (Realistic) Things To Do Before You Turn 40," which I found interesting. These are my 3 favorites from the article and my comments:

#1 - Unrealistic Goal: Travel to all seven continents. Realistic Goal: Put my feet in the ocean.

Me: I agree, but will try for at least 1 other continent in my lifetime.

#6 - Unrealistic Goal: Swim with the sharks. Realistic Goal: Go to the aquarium.

Me: Yep, I am certain I would be the best meal they ever had. You know that song...I'm the best you ever had...dem sharks be singing that on high pitch all day!