For years, a good 40-50% of it (that's a good chunk by the way), I grew up not accepting the body I was gifted with. I constantly believed my thighs were too thick, my butt too big, the curves were too much, and the jiggles were just a bit too jiggly. Yes, I thought those things for years. You probably wouldn't catch me wearing shorts much, except if I was on vacation somewhere (where I thought nobody knew me), or at the beach. All of these warped thoughts started somewhere in my 20's. I guess during that time all I saw were the skinny girls (no offense) being showcased everywhere and you were made to think that being fat/chunky was something to be hidden or ashamed of.
As I got older, I got more self-conscious and I'd wear mainly pants and long dresses. But to be fair, I did love that mode of dressing, actually, I still do. Frankly, I was, or I'd like to think I still am, a Tom-boy at heart; so pants are always a great option; that way I can clap my ass down anywhere I want without fear of my hoohaa being exposed.
It's funny, I'd see a lot of women, my size, or even heavier, and they are confident as sh!t. Strutting their stuff with not a care in the world and looking fabulous. Yet still, I convinced myself that my chunky was not like theirs and so I needed to hide it away.
Let me tell you something, being over 40 is a beautiful thing. For me, that was the coming of age. I no longer care what anyone thinks about my oversized thighs, my wide hips, my love handles, or my 36 DD breast; home-girl has embraced all of that and then some. Shoot, back in the day I was even afraid to wear dresses that hugged too close, and when I did, I would be super conscious, even though I was usually smiling through it all; but deep down inside I wasn't feeling super great or confident. Now. Ha! Honey, I'm a-gonna wear them and rock the crap out of them. Mind you, sometimes I gotta draw for the body-shaper stuff, yup, those suck-me-in and smooth-me-out things. But guess what I realized? Even the slim chicks wear them too. Oh, the shock of it! And here I was feeling bad all these years when I had to wear one.
Do you know what I also found surprising after a while? I was the only one who really had an issue with my body. Most of my family and friends embraced it; well the ones that matter anyway.
Now at age 45, almost 46, this is how I feel. Let me tell it to you Maya Angelou style...
I’m not cute (actually I am) or built to suit a fashion model’s size
The span of my hips,
The stride of my step,
The curl of my lips.
It’s the fire in my eyes,
The swing in my waist,
The sun of my smile,
The ride of my breasts,
It’s in the arch of my back, and
It’s in the click of my heels,
I Am Woman!
Yup, that’s me! I was created to be just who I am, chunky, beautiful (inside and out), phenomenal, multifaceted, and unapologetically me; and I'm embracing all of it, no matter the size or shape that I am now or will be.
Ladies, and gentlemen, accept who you are, embrace all aspects of yourself. Teach your children to love themselves as they are. Stop body-shaming others. The size and/or shape of your body does not determine who you are as a person. As Naomi Judd says, "your body hears everything your mind says, so let's start talking positivity over our bodies." Can I get an AMEN...Amen!
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